213 Quotes by Ron White

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.

I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.

You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.