17 Quotes by S. Bear Bergman

One bright pansy popping through a sidewalk crack will get weeded or stepped on; it’s not until twenty fabulous flowers bust through and the pavement is ruined anyway that someone decides maybe it isn’t a sidewalk at all, but a flower garden. So please, for the love of gender – go bloom.

When people speak admiringly of a butch, what I see is someone who has taken on the best gendered characteristics of both woman and man, left a lot of the stuff born of misogyny and heterosexism behind, and walked forward into the world without apology.

If I am seen as a butch, or a man, I am now – to some minds – walking with someone who is under my protection and who is in my possession. Whatever critiques of gender and culture apply to that assumption, and they are numerous as the grains of sand, they do not always assert themselves in the walkaday world.

But if I can’t go from the body I have to a body that I am certain would feel very right – right like having wings would be or even right like wearing spats would be – then I think, maybe not for me.

I live in a constellation of intimates, and the shape of us is a family. We touch base and check in, with each other and also – I am so gratified to report – they sometimes check in with one another. Correspondences have sprung up and friendships have started to form beyond my influence. Family has begun to take on a transitive property as well.

Instead of wishing for the Field Guide, be glad to live in the beautiful chaos of each of us finding our way into our own gendered menu, our own identity, and our own name for it, which – if you will just love us while we do this complex and fragile part – we will kiss into your mouth with such gratitude when we’re through.

You should move toward whatever changes, whatever surgeries, whatever renovations or alterations or restorations will create you in the glory you deserve, oh yes you should. And you should do it with your usual style, and you should do it without shame, and when you’re healed up and ready we can go shopping for something fabulous to showcase the many wonders of you.

This is partly my own ego, of course. I want to be visible as tough enough to possess and defend a femme who is entrancing enough to become the object of someone else’s desire, but it is equally a measure of protection for the femme in question. What if the same person sees her walking alone tomorrow?