104 Quotes by Sam Levenson

The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.

The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.

More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.

Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

It's not the sugar that makes the tea sweet, but the stirring.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

The reason God made man before woman was that he didn't want any suggestions.

If you owe fifty dollars you're a piker; if you owe fifty thousand dollars you're a businessman; if you owe fifty million dollars you're a tycoon; if you owe fifty billion dollars you're the government.

Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.