20 Quotes by Sam Pink

And I saw my reflection in a lake and I waited for it to freeze a little bit so I could break it with my boot.

Life like two broken hands trying to pick flowers for someone you really like.

Sunbeams were coming down from the bottom of the cloudcover, pointing to different areas of Chicago. And I wanted to break off a sunbeam right where it met with the clouds and use it as a sword to protect the city. Anyone coming in comes through me. Anyone leaving leaves through me. Anyone not wanted, denied. Everyone else inside safe-but always in view of my sunbeam sword as I hold it, arms crossed and expressionless.

My roommate knocks on my door and I try not to move.My heart is beating fast.He knocks again and then leaves.I win.This is but one of the many victories I have exampled as a human among humans.I have no equals. My strength is unmatched.

My ideal date would involve painful silence. My ideal date wouldn't involve me.

And I lie down on your carpet so long that you think I will stay forever but I get up and I see the indentation in the carpet and I get jealous and say, "I am no longer needed here.

Sometimes I definitely feel a sense of accomplishment but it’s never after accomplishing something.

155Sometimes I definitely feel a sense of accomplishment but it’s never after accomplishing something.

Three days ago, I was fired from my job teaching at a college because one of my studentsbet me that you don’t cum when you get a prostate exam and it took me seven minutesto prove that dumb fucking kid wrong. It was hard to touch my own prostate, butultimately, I was correct. I came onto the floor and onto the person in the desk up front.I said, “Kids, that is what is known as ‘empirical evidence’.