203 Quotes by Sandra Bernhard

I don’t think somebody can just, like, wave a magic wand and make you a star.

People feel like if they don’t have a voice or a name or the spotlight, then they’re invisible. But if you can’t wake up in your world, in your life, with your family and your friends, and enjoy it, then forget it. All bets are off, because that’s all anybody is guaranteed.

They want families to come to New York and go to the theater, so the theater is all geared toward family entertainment. It’s money, you know.

When I was really little, I was skinny and people laughed at me for being skinny, so, we all pay our dues for the bodies we’re in one way or another. But thank god I haven’t needed to alter it to feel good about myself.

It’s depressing sitting at a comedy club all night, waiting to get on to do your five or ten minutes of material.

I’m the only actress in Hollywood who didn’t pay to have these lips.

I didn’t belong when I was in high school. Now people are trying to buy lips.

I can’t tell you 100 percent what makes a relationship work. But I can see something good coming and I can see something bad coming.

Hip doesn’t really come into play anymore as far as I can tell.