390 Quotes by Sarah Silverman

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school.

It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.

That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.

I got jury duty ... and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks." And who doesn't?

I'm a very ritualistic person. I have to wash my face twice, and on the second wash before I rinse, I brush my teeth, then I rinse, then I floss, then I put on moisturizer. I'm ritualistic. Jewishness is very ritualistic.

Comedy is about talking about my own experience, and I'm a woman, and that's my experience, and just because it isn't yours doesn't invalidate it.

I have no religion, but I can't escape being extremely Jewish ethnically - that is, culturally. In other words, I'm not religious, but I worry and I'm neurotic. And I'm very good with money.

I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.