390 Quotes by Sarah Silverman

I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.

The truth is, I've denied it for years, but I love deconstructing comedy.

Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

We deserve quality lives with equality.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.

I really think everything is fair game.

A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess.

Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you.