564 Quotes by Scott Adams

Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you'll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.

One "oh shit" can erase a thousand attaboys

The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.

Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.

One thing people don't realize is that you take off a lot quicker than you could ever stop. You can get up to 100 in five seconds, but that top speed back to zero, it doesn't brake as well as it accelerates.

Moslem: people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.

Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.

I don't even bother walking to the couch, because there's nobody going to come in and see me. When I wake up I ask myself if I feel like working, and if I do, I get back in the chair and I work. If I don't, I do something else.

I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.