564 Quotes by Scott Adams

Ratbert (as lab rat, to scientist): Doc, we have to talk. Every day you feed me over a hundred pounds of macaroni and cheese. At first I thought you were just being a good host. But lately I've been thinking it could be something far more sinister.

You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.

It does represent a new way of living in the valley. It's not new in America. We're just catching up with the rest of the country in terms of a vertical lifestyle.

Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.

Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it's never a good idea to put them in the same room.

I'm honest with our team and tell them when the game will be difficult or when I think we can win by two or three touchdowns. This game will be difficult, but I think we can win any game on our schedule.

I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.

My brain doesn't register it as drawing. The feeling of friction across the glass is different.

Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.