564 Quotes by Scott Adams

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have to ride around with jerks.

I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, ‘You know, I’m the only person in this restaurant who can’t draw.’

Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it’s never a good idea to put them in the same room.

You often hear advice from successful people that you should “follow your passion.” That sounds perfectly reasonable the first time you hear it.

My definition of happiness is that it’s a feeling you get when your body chemistry is producing pleasant sensations in your mind.

You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won’t be that much of a change.

People are naturally drawn to the things they feel comfortable doing, and comfort is a marker for talent.

I’m not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I’m terribly uncomfortable.

Idiocy in the modern age isn’t an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It’s a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.