564 Quotes by Scott Adams

The only reasonable goal in life is maximizing your total lifetime experience of something called happiness. That might sound selfish, but it’s not. Only a sociopath or a hermit can find happiness through extreme selfishness. A normal person needs to treat others well in order to enjoy life.

The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. – Wally’s Keynote Speech.

Reality is overrated and impossible to understand with any degree of certainty. What you do know for sure is that some ways of looking at the world work better than others. Pick the way that works, even if you don’t know why.

Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That’s not a natural advantage. You’d better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.

Whenever you have a lot of money in play, combined with the ability to hide misbehavior behind complexity, you should expect widespread fraud to happen.

I wouldn’t be satisfied simply escaping from my prison of silence; I was planning to escape, free the other inmates, shoot the warden, and burn down the prison. Sometimes I get that way. It’s a surprisingly useful frame of mind.

Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success. Happiness.

I used to be stupid but I’ve turned that situation around 360 degrees.

The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day.