564 Quotes by Scott Adams

I don't think I'm ever going to run out of ideas, ... The beauty of the office environment is that you put a bunch of dysfunctional employees in one room and they will find new ways to be dysfunctional that you could never imagine. I think I have an infinite well of ideas to work from.

There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.

The best things in life are silly.

The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.

He's the most soul-destroying character in the strip precisely because he doesn't know he's being evil,

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

The children are our future. And that is why, ultimately, we're screwed unless we do something about it. If you haven't noticed, the children who are our future are good-looking, but they aren't all that bright. As dense as they might be, they will eventually notice that adults have spent all the money, spread disease, and turned the planet into a smoky, filthy ball of death. We're raising an entire generation of dumb, pissed-off kids who know where the handguns are kept. This is not a good recipe for a happy future.

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.