267 Quotes by Shel Silverstein

If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do:You must learn how to make a perfect chicken-dumpling stew.And you must sew my holey socks,And soothe my troubled mind,And develop the knack for scratching my back,And keep my shoes spotlessly shined.And while I rest you must rake up the leaves,And when it is hailing and snowingYou must shovel the walk...and be still when I talk,And-hey-where are you going?

InvestigatingProfessor Shore from Memphis State,Decided to investigateJust how the elephant's tail was tiedOnto the elephant's leathery hide.Well while he was investigating,Something happened so nauseating,That I fear it might make you sick to hear it.So let's just say Professor ShoreDoesn't investigate tails no more.(You`ll find surprises happen mostlyWhen we investigate too closely)

TURNING INTO Swingin` fromA hick`ry boughI felt so braveI hollered...WoWBut down I fellJust like a bombAnd I heard my "wow"Turn into...MoM

Teddy said it was a hat, So I put it on. Now dad is saying, "where the heck's the toilet plunger gone?

If you are a dreamer, come in

Sometimes I get so depressed'Bout what I haven't done.-NEVER

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy.

ENTER THIS DESERTED HOUSEBut please walk softly as you do.Frogs dwell here and crickets too.Ain't no ceiling, only blueJays dwell here and sunbeams too.Floors are flowers - take a few.Ferns grow here and daisies too.Whoosh, swoosh - too-whit, too-woo,Bats dwell here and hoot owls too.Ha-ha-ha,hee-hee,hoo-hoooo,Gnomes dwell here and goblins too.And my child, I thought you knewI dwell here...and so do you.

Standing is stupid, Crawling's a curse, Skipping is silly,Walking is worse.Hopping is hopeless,Jumping's a chore,Sitting is senseless, Leaning's a bore.Running's ridiculous,Jogging's insane-Guess I'll go upstairs andLie down again.