25 Quotes by Simon Brass

My favorite dystopia has always been going out for a walk around the neighborhood

Everyone knows that the Protocols of the Elders of Zion are a blatant forgery. This ludicrous document was fabricated by the real-world dominators – the Amish.

For goodness sake, why can’t you just decide on the toilet paper already? You still need to get moisturizer and god only knows what a struggle that is with all the options. Do you have dry skin, or extremely dry skin, or is it sensitive skin? No it must be extremely dry and sensitive. It’s all of the above, isn’t that so? Nothing can save us now, so you might as well splurge on the three-ply, isn’t that so, Simon?

Not even a bus can save us now

We are always awaiting the Messiah that never arrives. I long for bygone days where every dawn brought a new eschatology and an interminable queue of prophets preached humanity’s impending salvation as if it were syndicated. It must have been joyous to receive a fresh messiah weekly, and to be regaled with inspiring tales of the glory that lay ahead.

Anyone who has never experienced insomnia cannot be taken seriously as an individual.

All of humanity’s inventions will fade into dust with time. The rats and cockroaches will remain.