289 Quotes by Sloane Crosley

Some of the writers I admire who seem very, very funny and very emotional to me can develop a closeness with the reader without giving too much of themselves away. Lorrie Moore comes to mind, as does David Sedaris. When they write, the reader thinks that they’re being trusted as a friend.

On occasion, it occurs to adults that they are allowed to do all the things that being a child prevented them from doing.

It’s never good to fall in love with someone whom you’d have to stab in the eyeballs to elicit a response.

The “pass” was a normal-sized key with a wooden block the size of a brick attached to it. This was meant to broadcast the administration’s lack of faith in our ability to hold on to small objects.

When it seems impossible that a deep connection with another person could just go away instead of changing form. It seems impossible that you will one day look up and say the words “I used to date someone who lived in that building,” referring to a three-year relationship. As simple as if it was a pizza place that is now a dry cleaner’s. It happens. Keep walking.

It is my belief that people who speak of high school with a sugary fondness are bluffing away early-onset Alzheimer’s.

It should be noted that my mother has a long history of being disturbingly unperturbed by what normal people deem perturbing. Certain things simply don’t strike her as worthy of a sit-down.

I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a learning disability that means I have zero spatial relations skills. It was official: I was a genius trapped in an idiot’s body.

I reason that I can take 36 hours of pretty much anything. This is willfully off-base logic with zero anecdotal evidence.