289 Quotes by Sloane Crosley

Unless we’re talking about old-school, witchcraft-trial violence, can we please phase out the phrase ‘girl crush?’ While we’re at it, if we can axe ‘like, total girl crush’ unless Total Girl Crush is the name of a fizzy soft drink, in which case I’ll take two, thank you.

I don’t do emoticons unless I’m making a big deal out of them. I’ll type out, ‘This is so amusing it makes me want to grin in pixels.’ And then do it.

To live alone can be a glorious thing. Between jags of crippling loneliness and wretched TV, it’s an education in self-sufficiency, self-actualization, and self-tanner. But it is possible to have too many rooms of one’s own.

I wouldn’t want to live in Berlin. It’s bombed out and there’s a lot of techno.

My A-number one visceral fear is speed. More than knives or snakes or confined spaces. Speed. I won’t even go on a motor boat if I can help it.

I am the proud indentured servant of a brilliant art adviser who may or may not have purposely stapled my index finger to a manila folder.

You can’t fall away from something if you were never there in the first place. It’s the difference between jumping off a cliff and passing out where you stand.

At the end of each year, I sit on the floor and go page by page through the old calendar, inking annual events into the new one, all the while watching my year in ‘dinner withs’ skate by. When I’m done, I save the old calendar in the box of the new one and put it with the others on a shelf.

There is a point in most abusive relationships when it occurs to the beaten party that they are guilty of putting their face in the way of someone else’s fist.