105 Quotes by Stephan Pastis

Me no read. Look how smart me is.

Ohhhhkay... say again but slooooowly.

Stupid people and their stupid people ways!

I don't like drawing characters facing right. If I tried to do that at a book signing, I'd have to pencil it first.

It seems so absurd to get really mad with a cartoonist over a comic strip. It's sort of like getting in a fight with a circus clown outside your house. It's not going to end well.

Maybe the bar is low, but most of the strips that are 50, 60, 70 years old that are on their second or third generation of artists, the humor is pretty bland. There are others by people that were raised on 'Family Guy' or 'South Park' that are edgier. Mine's not as edgy as those, but it's edgier than 'Beetle Bailey.'

You can't just count on becoming a syndicated cartoonist. I actually tried to calculate the odds once, and the best I could come up with is a 1-in-36,000 chance. And the odds of getting hit by lightning are 1 in 7,900 - which kind of shows how long those odds are.

I never feel burdened or overwhelmed by my work. People tell you to find something you love for a career, and I have. That makes me feel very lucky.

A biscuit in the States is something you would put gravy on with dinner, and it's not sweet in the least!