767 Quotes by Stephen Colbert

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.

As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!

New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.

My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.

In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.

I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The languages, a year of rhetoric, all of the great books, Western Man courses, stuff like that.

If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.

I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.