767 Quotes by Stephen Colbert

I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of.

Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.

Hatemongers like Media Matters take innocent statements like mine, Rush Limbaugh's, John Gibson's, and Bill O'Reilly's and make them offensive by posting them on the Internet, allowing the general public to hear words that were meant for people who already agree with us. Hey, Media Matters, you want to end offensive speech? Then stop recording it for people who would be offended.

All I can do is today and tomorrow and have some idea of what we're doing next week. That's all I can worry about.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.

Ghost of Bobby: no, no you can't eat me. I'm a ghost. Stephen Colbert: That just means that there's less bones to pick out.

I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.

I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.