143 Quotes by Stephen Leacock

The parent who could see his boy as he really is, would shake his head and say: 'Willie is no good; I'll sell him.

All Dickens's humour couldn't save Dickens, save him from his overcrowded life, its sordid and neurotic central tragedy and its premature collapse. But Dickens's humour, and all such humour, has saved or at least greatly served the world.

I admit that when the facts are not good enough, I always exaggerate them.

In point of morals, the average woman is, even for business, too crooked.

American politicians do anything for money... English politicians take the money and won't do anything.

A barber is by nature and inclination a sport. He can tell you at what exact hour the ball game is to begin, can foretell its issue without losing a stroke of the razor, and can explain the points of inferiority of all the players, as compared with the better men that he has personally seen elsewhere, with the nicety of a professional.

To write well it is first necessary to have something to say.

I've seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better, but the other counted better.

There is an old motto that runs, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." This is nonsense. It ought to read, "If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once."