108 Quotes by Susan Forward

"Inherent in his fear of this dependency is the equally dreadful fear that she will leave him. His terrors of being alone, of being unable to cope, and of being overwhelmed by an insatiable neediness all grip him again. Chronologically he is an adult, but psychologically he is still a frightened child."

"The hope that he’ll change, the search for the magic key, and the intensity of her love all combine to place the woman in a very vulnerable position. Her acceptance of her partner’s insults, humiliations, and scare tactics has given him enormous power over her: he can now control her behavior and feelings by the mere switch of a mood. This can be a terrifying position for her."

"All of us develop our expectations about how people will treat us based on our relationships with our parents."

"It’s extremely frustrating when you’ve worked hard to get to the point of confrontation, but one or both of your parents are dead."

"My father never did any of the things that my friends’ fathers did with them. We never tossed a football around or even watched games together. He would always say, “I don’t have time – maybe later,” but he always had time to sit around and get drunk."

"The physical and emotional distress that result from incurring the misogynist’s displeasure can be so painful that women will do virtually anything to avoid it, including tolerate their partner’s irrational behavior."

"Fear in intimate relationships operates on several levels. On one level there are the survival fears – fear of making it financially on your own, fear of being poor, fear of being the sole provider and nurturer for your children, and fear of being alone – which keep women from leaving abusive relationships. But fear is present in the misogynistic relationship long before the woman begins to think of leaving."

"Instead, incest occurs in families where there is a great deal of emotional isolation, secrecy, neediness, stress, and lack of respect. In many ways incest can be viewed as part of a total family breakdown. But it is the aggressor and the aggressor alone who commits the sexual violence. Tracy described what it was like in her house:."

"Children need to make mistakes and discover that it’s not the end of the world. That’s how they gain the confidence to try new things in life. Toxic parents impose unobtainable goals, impossible expectations, and ever-changing rules on their children. They expect their children to respond with a degree of maturity that can come only from life experiences that are inaccessible to a child. Children are not miniature adults, but toxic parents expect them to act as if they were."

"You can learn, but you’ve got to give yourself time to pick up the basics, to practice, and maybe even to fail once or twice."