108 Quotes by Susan Forward

"When a child is not permitted to express her pain, one of the important, destructive messages she gets is that if she is feeling bad it is due to her own deficiencies. Coupled with this is likely the message that if she needs comfort, then she is ugly and repulsive to others."

"Co-dependent was used interchangeably with the term enabler – someone whose life was out of control because he or she was taking responsibility for “saving” a chemically dependent person. But in the past few years the definition of co-dependency has expanded to include all people who victimize themselves in the process of rescuing and being responsible for any compulsive, addicted, abusive, or excessively dependent person."

"Remember that you always have the right to be treated with respect, and to protest unfair treatment or criticism. It’s vital to reinforce those rights with boundaries."

"As long as you continue to react so strongly to them, you give them the power to upset you, which allows them to control you."

"Most of us are very sensitive about our roles as mothers. If the misogynist feels his partner is betraying him for the sake of the children, he may begin to attack her adequacy as a mother. However, her maternal adequacy is rarely the real issue. The children are simply scapegoats for his anger. He is simply exploiting his partner’s fears of inadequacy to get her to acquiesce to his demands."

"The misogynist’s control over his partner is like the roots of a plant: it spreads into many areas of her life. Her work, her interests, her friends, her children, and even her thoughts and feelings can be affected by his control. Her self-confidence and self-esteem can be so damaged as to bring about significant changes in the way she feels about herself and how she relates to the rest of the world."

"When a woman believes that there is a magic key, she is likely to expend all her energy in the fruitless task of trying to find it, and in the process she relinquishes her right to good treatment. Because her emotional well-being is tied to her partner’s mercurial moods, she loses her ability to act in her own best interest’s, to be assertive, and to have confidence in her decisions."

"The misogynist use either direct control or indirect control to gain his objective. He may directly state, plead, or demand that you give up a job, a class, or a friendship, or he may begin to attack indirectly those areas that are threatening to him, making it so miserable for you to continue with them that you give them up just to keep the peace. But, no matter what method your partner uses, the result is the same: You have seriously limited your world to suit his needs."

"Our culture and our religions are almost unanimous in upholding the omnipotence of parental authority."

"Most people have a very difficult time handling anger, even their own. When anger is directed at you, it creates an atmosphere of tremendous tension. With the misogynist, the shouting usually includes insults and attacks on you, which make the experience doubly painful. These verbal assaults can be as frightening and demoralizing as implied threats of physical violence."