33 Quotes by Tara Sivec

Wow, she doesn't have any bones. Like, at all. Where the f*ck are her bones? Am I still drunk? Did I sleep with a blow-up doll? Again? I pealed my eyes open one at a time so the rays of sun shining in the room wouldn't make me go blind. Once my eyes adjusted to the light, I looked down and groaned. Nope, not drunk, just hugging a pillow.

Could you stand still please?' Sylvia says in an irritated voice. If she had sweaty balls and an almost-boner she wouldn't be so judgmental. Am I right, or am I right?

You're probably also wondering how in the hell I can possibly be twenty-five years old when just yesterday I was four. I know, it's a tough pill to swallow. I'm not a foul-mouthed, cute little kid anymore. I'm now a foul-mouthed, cute adult.

Love and lists. Just remember, love and lists. Nothing else matters.

Spitters are Quitters.

I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after potato!

Who keeps putting alcohol in my alcohol?

I’m gonna make like a fetus and head out.

I love you more than a hooker loves free VD testing day at the clinic.