3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

The commander went, as they say in Ankh-Morpork, totally Librarian on them.

Ah, I know that," said Tiffany, as the boat rocked on the swell. "Whales aren't dangerous, because they just eat very small things...""Row like the blazes, lads!" Rob Anybody yelled.

The truth of the matter was that Juliet would look good in a sack. Somehow everything she wore fitted perfectly. Glenda, on the other hand, never found anything good in her size and indeed seldom anything in her size. In theory, something should fit, but all she ever found was facts, which are so unbecoming.

My Lord... what is Death like?" called the old man tremulously. "When I have investigated it fully, I will let you know," came the faintest of modulations on the breeze. "Yes," murmured the Loremaster. A thought struck him. "During daylight, please," he added.

There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one. In fact it is considered opinion of some of his tutors that he is incapable even of achieving level zero, which most normal people are born at; to put it another way, it has been suggested that when Rincewind dies the average occult ability of the human race will actually go up by a fraction.

Rings try to find their way back to their owner. Someone ought to write a book about it.

You know zat another term for an iconographer would be ‘photographer’? From the old word ‘photus’ in Latation, vhich means—”“‘To prance around like an idiot ordering everyone about as if you owned the place,’” said William.“Ah, you know it!

That just goes to show that you never know, although what it is we never know I suspect we'll never know.

I'm sure it's all journalism [...] It means it's true enough for now.