3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

A camel in distress isn’t a shy creature. It doesn’t hang around in bars, nursing a solitary drink. It doesn’t phone up old friends and sob at them. It doesn’t mope, or write long soulful poems about Life and how dreadful it is when seen from a bedsitter. It doesn’t know what angst is.

News is unusual things happening— And usual things happening [...] But news is mainly what someone somewhere doesn't want you to put in the paper— Except that sometimes it isn't [...] News, [...] all depends. But you'll know it when you see it.

If you must know, he said 'my goodness me, a walking potato

We're really good at it, Teppic thought. Mere animals couldn't possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives

the way dwarfs think about books and words and runes...well, you wouldn't believe it, sir. W--they think the world was written, sir. All words have enormous power. Destroying a book is worse than murder to a deep-downer.I've rather gathered that, said Blackboard Monitor Vimes.

It was one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying isolated things like, "Well, isn't this nice.

I believe the term is ‘eminent domain.’Ah, yes. That means ‘theft by the government,

If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone’s wallets.