3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

One of the biggest religions on Roundworld was founded by a carpenter's son!' Ponder snarled. 'For years, the most powerful person on the planet was an actor! There's got to be room for Darwin!

It always embarrassed Samuel Vimes when civilians tried to speak to him in what they thought was “policeman.” If it came to that, he hated thinking of them as civilians. What was a policeman, if not a civilian with a uniform and a badge? But they tended to use the term these days as a way of describing people who were not policemen. It was a dangerous habit: once policemen stopped being civilians the only other thing they could be was soldiers.

Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling 'banana', but didn't know how you stopped.

I thought unicorns were more . . . Fluffy.

Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o'clocks in one day.

Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive.

But... it's a nice day today, the birds is singing, there's stuff like... kittens and stuff, and the sun is shining off the snow, bringin' the promise of spring to come, with flowers, and fresh grass, and more kittens and hot summer days an' the gentle kiss of the rain and wonderful clean things which you won't ever see if you don't give us what's in that drawer 'cos you'll burn like a torch you double-dealing twisty dried-up cheating son of a bitch!

...if we wanted people to fly, we would have given them wings.""You gave me wings when you showed me birds.

As for me, some days I believe in God, and some days I do not."Then Dodger said, “Is that allowed?”Solomon pushed the door open and then fussily began locking it up again behind him. "Dodger, you fail to understand the unique arrangements between Jewish people and God.