3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

We're a dying race," said Kwartz sadly, as the party set off under the stars. "Young Jasper's the only pebble in our tribe. We suffer from philosophy, you know.

It's simply that in every crowd there's a twerp. All any twerp needs to do is protest loud and long, and he or she will get attention from other twerps who'll go along for the ride--after all, if such people didn't exist, the Ricki Lake Show wouldn't have an audience.

And one day Amber takes her troll’s dinner down to the cave and finds him—” Rock waved his hands in vague yet thoroughly descriptive motions “—with another lady troll. So she go home and get her club and come back and beat him to death, thump, thump, thump. ’Cos he was her troll and he done her wrong. Is very romantic song.

That Hieronymus Bosch. What a weirdo.

And then there's this." He held up a shirt. "It'll protect you."Carrot fingered it carefully. It was made from the wool of Ramtop sheep, which had all the warmth and softness of hog bristles. It was one of the legendary woolly dwarf vests, the kind of vest that needs hinges.

I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire," said Miss Tick. "There may be no survivors.

Morporkians are in no doubt that Vetinari is firmly in charge of the city; the political system of Ankh-Morpork is described as "One Man, One Vote," in which Vetinari alone is the Man, and he has the Vote.

No matter what she did with her hair it took about three minutes for it to tangle itself up again, like a garden hosepipe in a shed [Which, no matter how carefully coiled, will always uncoil overnight and tie the lawnmower to the bicycles].

Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.