3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

...William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offense meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offense meant' than actually to refrain from giving offense.

It as true that normal people couldn't hear Gaspode speak, because dogs don't speak. It's a well know fact....Besides, almost all dogs don't talk. Ones that do are merely a statistical error, and can therefore be ignored.

Neither Deluge Nor Ice Storm Nor The Black Silence Of The Netherhells Shall Stay These Messengers About Their Sacred Buisness. Do Not Ask Us About Sabre-Tooth Tigers, Tar Pits, Big Green Things With Teeth Or The Goddess Czol.

There have been better attempts at marching, and they have been made by penguins.

I commend my soul to any god that can find it.

That was an important rule of any game: always make it easy for people to give you money.

Making money is good, but there's no pockets in a shroud.

Moist had seen the Falls before and that's just what they were...falls. Pretty good falls by the standard of falls, but once you'd looked at them for a few minutes undoubtedly someone would say; 'Where can we get a coffee around here?

Gods, it felt good. Hot water was civilization. Vimes could feel the stiffness in his muscles melting away in the warmth.