3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

What did they feed the lions and tigers with in the ark, sir?

Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it took skill to be one with an apple corer.

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.

Good and bad is tricky," she said. "I ain't too certain about where people stand. P'raps what matters is which way you face.

They say that the prospect of being hanged in the morning concentrates a man's mind wonderfully; unfortunately, what the mind inevitably concentrates on is that, in the morning, it will be in a body that is going to be hanged.

It was written in some holy book, apparently, so that made it okay, and probably compulsory.

When people say "How do you write a book, how does it all happen?" I say, you line things up, and you line them up as actually as you possibly can, but sooner or later the book has got momentum and it's moving along under that momentum. It's like a sculpture, if you're working with the grain of the wood, the wood will start defining what shape it's going to become.

What's so surprising about bacon? I dunno, I suppose it comes as something a a shock to the pig.

London was not designed for cars. Come to that, it wasn't designed for people. It just sort of happened. This created problems, and the solutions that were implemented became the next problems, five or ten or a hundred years down the line.