3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ’idiot.

The Chain Letter to the Ephebians. Forget Your Gods. Be Subjugated. Learn to Fear. Do not break the chain – the last people who did woke up one morning to find fifty thousand armed men on their lawn.

Many feel they are called to the priesthood, but what they really hear is an inner voice saying, ‘It’s indoor work with no heavy lifting, do you want to be a ploughman like your father?’

Putting up a statue to someone who tried to stop a war is not very, um, statuesque. Of course, if you had butchered five hundred of your own men out of arrogant carelessness, we’d be melting the bronze already.

What’s the orbital velocity of the moon?

Many an ancient lord’s last words have been, ‘You can’t kill me because I’ve got magic aaargh.’

It’s the end game that people dread and that’s what I’m scared of.

You can’t inspire people with facts. They need a cause. They need a symbol.

If I were you, I’d sue my face for slander.