3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

And he read Principles of Accounting all morning, but just to make it interesting, he put lots of dragons in it.

Cultural' sort of solved problems by explaining that they weren't really there.

OK, Reg and me will help you up, come on-''Me? But I can't stand heights!''I thought you could turn into a bat?''Yeah, but a very nervous one!

Commander Vimes always says that when life hands you a mess of spaghetti, you just keep pulling until you find a meatball.

I get depressed with these fluffy dragons and noble elves. Elves were never noble. They were cruel bastards. And I dislike heroes. You can’t trust the buggers. They always let you down. I don’t believe in the natural nobility of kings, because a large percentage of them in our history have turned out to be power-crazed idiots. And I certainly don’t believe in the wisdom of wizards. I’ve worked with their modern equivalents, and I know what I’m talking about.

Sooner or later it'd get to you. Death was fascinated by humans, and study was never a one-way thing. A man might spend his life peering at the private life of elementary particles and then find he either knew who he was or where he was, but not both.

A dwarf can go hundreds of miles with a cake like this in his pack,' Carrot went on.'I bet he can,' said Colon gloomily. 'I bet all the time he'd be thinking, "Bloody hell, I hope I can find something else to eat soon, otherwise it's the bloody cake again.

You stay here. I'll whistle if it's safe to follow me.""What will you do if it *isn't* safe?""Scream.

The beef stew tasted, indeed, just like beef stew and not, just to take an example completely and totally at random, stew made out of the last poor girl who'd worked here.