3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Vimes awoke with a noseful of camel. There are far worse awakenings, but not as many as you might think.

You haven't heard of him? And he is a D'reg!" Mrs Goriff pulled at her husband's arm."D'reg?" said Angua."A warlike desert tribe," said Carrot. "Very fierce. Honourable, though. They say that if a D'reg is your friend he's your friend for life.""And if he's not your friend?""That's about five seconds.

Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he'd do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren't going to be on him.

The street was full of animals, milling around uncertainly. When animals are in a state of uncertainty they get nervous, and the street was already, as it were, paved with anxiety.

We did Rat Surprise last night for the Sons of Bloodaxe annual dinner," he said. There was a general groan. "And it was rat." He raised his voice against the complaining. "You can't use anything else - listen - you've got to have the noses poking through the pastry, all right? Some of the best rat we've had in a long time!

Vimes was already lost. Oh, there was the sun, but that was just a direction. He could feel it on the side of his face. And the camel rocked from side to side. There was no real way of judging distance, except by haemorrhoids.

I'm not bloody well going to have it, understand?" Vimes shouted, shaking the ape back and forth."Oook," the Librarian pointed out, patiently."What? Oh. Sorry." Vimes lowered the ape, who wisely didn't make an issue out of it because a man angry enough to lift 300 pounds of orangutan without noticing is a man with too much on his mind.

A dwarf who can't get the hang of metal? That must be pretty unique.""Pretty rare, sir. But I was quite good at alchemy..""Guild member?""Not any more, sir.""Oh? How did you leave the guild?""Through the roof, sir. But I'm pretty certain I know what I did wrong.

Her books on alchemy were marvellous objects, every page a work of the engraver's art, but they nowhere contained instructions like "Be sure to open a window". They did have instructions like "Adde Aqua Quirmis to the Zinc untile Rising Gas Yse Vigorousky Evolved", but never added "Don't Doe Thys Atte Home" or even "And Say Fare-Thee-Welle to Thy Eyebrows.