32 Quotes by The Harvard Lampoon

...and several bowls of artificial fruit which couldn't have been mistaken for the real thing at fifty meters. These Pepsi and Moxie immediately ate.

I took the one letter he had for us. It was from the Switchblade Gas & Electric Company. I didn't know I had admirers there too, but I wasn't that surprised. I threw it in the trash with the IRS's love letters and closed the door without reply.

Toke a lid, smoke a lid, pop the mescalino! ...Hop a hill! Pop a pill! For old Tim Benzedrino!

I wish I were dead," whined Pepsi."So do I," said Moxie."May the good fairy what sits in the sky grant yer every wish," said Spam.

There were a great many beds arranged around the walls, all of which looked as though they had recently been slept in by perverted kangaroos...

I looked over at Edwart. It occurred to me that I had never seen him in direct sunlight. Interestingly enough, I had also never seen him sparkle. Could the two be related?

At the mention of his name, Frito gurgled loudly and fell off his sheep, and the Ring dropped out of his clothes and rolled to Orlon's feet. One of the sheep trotted up, licked it, and turned into a fire hydrant.

To assist him in his duties there was a rather large police force which did nothing but extract confessions, mostly from squirrels.

I noticed there was garlic above the doorframe. Edwart held a stake in one hand and a 'Team Jacob' shirt in the other.