32 Quotes by The Harvard Lampoon

Listen' he whispered ferociously, like a ferocious breeze or a very gentle hurricane.

Germs contagious, Contagious alert! But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt!

Then, suddenly, I remembered the accident, and Edwart's snow-proof body, and his eyes that changed from I-don't-remember to green, and I knew.

So all this time you thought I was a vampire?' Edwart whispered furiously, pulling me a few inches to the left.'Sure,' I said, 'you know, the lion falls for the lamb...''What?''Sorry. It's easier for me if I explain things in animal terms.

I balked. Another vampire? I guess it made sense; the states of the Pacific Northwest were known for their lenient monster laws.

It suddenly occurred to me that, after all that frolicking in the meadows, he hadn't kissed me. Was it because of the mold that grew in my sinuses?

If only I'd listened to my Uncle Poo-poo and gone into dentistry," whined Pepsi."If I'd stayed home, I'd be big in encyclopedias by now," sniffled Moxie."And if I had ten pounds o' ciment and a couple o' sacks, you'd a' both gone for a stroll in that pond an hour ago," said Spam.

They all got really quiet and started to lick their lips, closing in on Lucy. I started to lick my lips, too, because it's one of those subconcious, contagious things like sneezing, but then I stopped because it just isn't worth it if you forgot to bring ChapStick.

I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened that book, I was like, whoa! Word party!