109 Quotes by Tim Dorsey

She knew my buttons and kept pressing them like an epileptic in an arcade. If it’s any consolation, I gave her fair warning.” “Oh, my God!

Florida is a theme park,” said Serge. “And the theme is weirdness.

But you have to suspend disbelief if you ever want to enjoy another movie or watch the president for more than fifteen seconds without running into the street demanding a new constitutional convention.

Turnoffs: the word conflate and women who think a small dog in a purse is a fashion accessory.

Those are the Big Three: clipboards, orange cones, elf suits. People don’t question.

He loved his family and fellow man, never raised his voice or fists, and was rewarded with a lifelong, routine digestion of small doses of humiliation.

I also sort of broke his neck, just to be careful,” said Serge.

Chasing is in police DNA memory, like Labradors running after sticks,” said Serge. “They probably don’t even know why they do it. They just put the lights on and go, and a while later the partner who isn’t behind the wheel says, ‘Why are we stopping?’ ‘Something inside just told me to because there’s a really cool crash up ahead. It’s weird; I can’t explain it.

You open a door and find a midget, and there’s no way you can be in a bad mood. It’s just not possible.