109 Quotes by Tim Dorsey

I don’t suffer from insanity. I can actually say that I enjoy it.

There’s a point in conflict resolution when the next person who talks loses. You’re ready to play with the big boys when you can recognize that moment.

Ethnic jokes are the last refuge of a bankrupt intellect.

He’s the south end of a northbound horse.

Nature’s what it’s all about, but our people have been brainwashed into thinking that life is a cell phone against your head and the TV on a beer commercial with hot chicks.

Make no mistake: I’m all about guns! I just love the legal incongruities our national discourse has spawned, like I can buy a shotgun any time of day without a serious background check, but if I need something for my sniffles, it’s six forms of ID and complete school transcripts. The government has essentially created a system where if I want to clear a head cold, the easiest cure is to blow my brains out.

All politics is marketing. And in marketing, there are but two variables: product and salesmanship.

Coleman, there are three – and only three – kinds of people in this world: Those who don’t know they’re damaged and blame others; those who realize they’re damaged and blame others; and then people like you and me, who wear damage like comfortable pajamas.

What’s this whole Parrot Head phenomenon about, anyway?” asked Crease. “It’s kind of like AA in reverse.