183 Quotes by Tom Lehrer

If I can’t get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won’t touch on God or anything here.

If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn’t do it because they’re not in my fingers.

An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.

If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or, perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while.

You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the important things, like the fact that he wouldn't ban landmines.

I figure I wrote 37 songs in 20 years, and that's not exactly a full-time job. It wasn't that I was writing and writing and writing and quit. Every now and then I wrote something, and every now and then I didn't. The second just outnumbered the first.

Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs.

Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit.