183 Quotes by Tom Lehrer

I stopped performing because I don't have the temperament of a performer. You have to want to do the same thing over and over again. Once I got it right, I didn't want to do it again. I always use the analogy of a novelist who has to read his novel in public night after night. I just didn't want to do it.

I thought about majoring in Math, Chemistry and English, but Math had the fewest requirements, so I went with it. I knew I wanted to teach, and Math was my field, so I studied Math.

The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

The people who were in college in the '50s were my first real audience, and their kids, the people who found my records in the cabinet during their 'Mad 'magazine years picked me up also.

Brush your teeth with the best toothpaste,Then rinse your mouth with industrial waste".

If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared not only to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever said it

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

In the new approach, as you know, the important thing is to understand what you are doing rather than to get the right answer

All books can be indecent books, though recent books are bolder.For filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. I could tell you things about Peter Pan,And the Wizard of OZ, there's a dirty old man!