29 Quotes by Tony Kornheiser

I'm in denial that I actually have this job. As a sportswriter, this usually isn't on the career path.

If Lance Armstrong does come back, he will be tested 10 times a day. This will happen again and again and even if he wins again it won't prove anything to his doubters, most of whom work at L'Equipe .

If Lance Armstrong does come back, he will be tested 10 times a day, ... This will happen again and again and even if he wins again it won't prove anything to his doubters, most of whom work at L'Equipe .

I am an idiot. I am a complete and utter idiot. I got it wrong completely. The guy knows what he is doing.

Ivan Lendl is a robot, a solitary, mechanical man who lives with his dogs behind towering walls at his estate in Connecticut. A man who so badly wants to have a more human image that he's having surgery to remove the bolts from his neck.

So instead of the Super Bowl, we've got the Stupor Bowl. Two once-proud teams, now 0-4 and stumbling through the season like zombies. And if you think the Cowboys are bad (and they are), the Redskins are so bad that every few plays you have to put a mirror under thieir noses to make sure they're still breathing.

Someone I talked to who covered auto racing for a lot of years said she believed there was a 60 percent chance that Junior qualified with a car not quite up to code and people looked the other way because there’s no points involved [with the pole].

The players need to remember to run with their bodies above their legs.

We think Eli is taller and handsomer now that he's won the Super Bowl. Imagine what would've happened if [Jaws] won the Super Bowl.