119 Quotes by Uzodinma Iweala

No one has called me. They all think I'm toxic or damaged, or both. I cannot stop crying so Dad holds me while Mom stands in the doorway with her half-open mouth and palms against her chest. Dad rocks me and whispers to me. He sings a little song in my ear as he dries my naked body with a towel while Mom stands in the doorway. He carries me to my bed, rests me head on his knees and lets my tears and snot soak dark spots into his white trousers.

My father and I look up and then at each other. I can feel my heart separate from the rest of my body. I want to hand it to frothing old man in front of me and say, take it. It's yours, because it has always been yours, if not for your sperm, your food, and the school fees that you pay on my behalf, then who and where would I be? Nothing. I am because you are. I say nothing. Each word I search for flies from my brain before I can send it off my tongue.

And now the woman is praying to God............... I am laughing laughing because God is forgetting everybody in this country.

I’m still me, I want to say to him, your son, but that would hardly help if I am currently everything wrong with the world.

On the bad days, there is no color. I know there are colors. I can see the colors, but the world looks gray. The sounds are muffled by a crackling web of static that sits behind my eyes and buzzes in my ears.

I am fearing because I am seeing that the only way not to be fighting is to die. I am not wanting to die.

I’m late, the kind of late that suggest I have no regard for the emotional health of my Nigerian parents who probably think I’ve been kidnapped by the enemies of progress.

I am remembering the soldier who are coming to my village and I am holding my machete closer. I am liking how it is feeling in my hand, like it is almost part of my body.

Are you lost if you know where you’re going – just not how to get there?