39 Quotes by W.C. Fields

If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream!

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

There is no such thing as a tough child. If you parboil them first for seven hours, they will always come out tended.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.