49 Quotes by Wendy Liebman

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them....well it's killing me!

The only way to really have safe sex is to abstain. From drinking.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.

My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money.

I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it’s because the water is cold in there. And I’m like: How did my mother know that?

I get my sense of humor from my parents. That’s why they don’t have one anymore.