60 Quotes by Whitney Cummings

Good evening, America. I’m a woman, and welcome to The Late Late Show.

I don’t want to look at myself – ever. All I see is that my face is a problem. It’s asymmetrical. I get terrible bags under my eyes.

I guess the verdict is in – I am not a sociopath. It’s not effective or productive not to be nice. It would undermine the goals I want to achieve on any given day.

I was joking the other day about how my real life feels like a TV show, and my TV life feels real – because, to be on Thursday nights on NBC, which is what I grew up with, has been such a big part of inspiring me. To be part of that tradition is really completely surreal, and I’m so grateful.

I feel like, in a lot of shows where the woman is in charge, the woman is this ball buster and the guy is sort of weak and spineless. And that’s never been my experience in a relationship. I think it’s much more interesting that the guy is the boss. And there are stakes.

I think that we’re in a really amazing time, where there are really a lot of really fantastic female actresses and comedians. I imagine there’s just a lot of opportunity for women to have powerful roles. Or it’s just that there’s more women writing TV. Women tend to maybe write strong women.

I don’t think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the ‘Comedy Central Roasts’ for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.

I remember my agent at ICM at the beginning of my career telling me that I wasn’t pretty enough, that I was always going to be a quirky sidekick. And he was an ogre of a man. He should have been carrying a torch. If he was in a bar, he couldn’t have come near me, and then he was deciding my fate.

I wrote a 'Lenny Letter' on a whim, and it felt indulgent, but people came up to me with tears in their eyes saying, 'Thank you.' There's so much shame about mental illness in our country and so many stereotypes about women being 'crazy' or 'psycho.'