1,171 Quotes by Will Rogers

It is not the return on my investment that I am concerned about; it’s the return of my investment.

Some guy invented Vitamin A out of a carrot. I’ll bet he can’t invent a good meal out of one.

Money, horse racing and women: three things the boys just can’t figure out.

I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Just read the farm relief bill. It’s just a political version of Einstein’s last theory. If a farmer could understand it, he certainly would know more than to farm. He would be a professor at Harvard.

Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting a new coach.

They used to take your horse and if they were caught they got hung for it. Now they take your car, and if they are caught it’s a miracle.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

People that pay for things never complain. It’s the guy you give something to that you can’t please.