1,219 Quotes by Woody Allen

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.

[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.

There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.