60 Quotes by Yakov Smirnoff

In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

The ad in the paper said ‘Big Sale. Last Week.’ Why advertise? I already missed it. They’re just rubbing it in.

It’s kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia’s Soviet Union article? How original.

In today’s society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.