I've never been fucked by a spider lady.

You know you're a made man when you've found a job you're so passionate about that the world's sexiest women are undressing themselves in front of you and they've still got to put in all the work if they want to get laid.

Question: 'Do you have any trouble using fingers?' Answer: 'Yes, I wish I fingered more chicks.

Condom or condom not, there is no try.