"A crude puppet impaled by her puppet master."

"You want something to drink?Is this a trick question?Yes. I'm going to read your personality based on your beverage choices, so choose wisely."

"Why don't you tell me why you called me?Don't you know?I'm a therapist, nto a psychic.That would make your job easier, no?Scarier."

"My sister's voice is Minnie Mouse and a dash of fingernails down a chalkboard, but only when she wants to bend me to her will."

"They rushed in like sickle cells forced through a vein."

"Pa-rump, pa-rump, pa-rump. He's the Little Drummer Boy on speed."

"Thank God.Yeah, God. That guy."