PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.