Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass.

picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.